It's not cute

Earlier this week I was walking down the sidewalk in my kilt, on my way to procure a cup of coffee from the coffee shop at the end of the block.  It was a chilly, rather windy day.  I was dressed, if I may say so myself, rather conservatively.  I was wearing one of my MacQuarrie kilts, brown House of Cheviot Lewis hose, a tattersall shirt, sweater-vest (pullover for you Brits), and a tweed kilt jacket.  As far as "showing skin" the only flesh visible to anyone was on my face, hands, and knees.

As I was walking a woman a good 10 to 15 years my senior pulled into one of the parking spaces along the sidewalk.  She opened her door and called out, "I hope you're wearing thermal underwear!"  She was smiling, so I politely smiled back, gave a little wave, and kept walking.  But in my head I was thinking, "What is it about me wearing my ethnic dress that makes you feel you can comment freely about my underwear (or lack thereof)."

I've worn a kilt for more than half my life at this point, on a fairly regular basis.  I've been asked so many times what I'm wearing underneath that I lost count long ago.  And yes, I've even had people (men and women) attempt to find out for themselves -- though thankfully that has been rare.  As a regular kilt wearer, I am here to tell you now, it's not cute.  It's not amusing.  At best it's rather tiresome.  At worst it's downright offensive and abusive.

I often tell people to take a moment and consider if roles were reversed.  What if a man approached a strange woman in a skirt and asked her what she was wearing underneath?  What if he tried to find out for himself?  He'd get a slap in the face, more than likely, and if he's not careful he would get arrested and placed on a sex offenders registry.  Self-respecting women would never tolerate such crude and boorish behavior.  So why should men have to tolerate it simply because they are wearing Scottish national dress?

Yes, without a doubt, there are some men who think it's good fun to throw on a kilt, head out to the pub, or to a concert, and attempt to get hit on by women curious to know the answer to "the question."  They would be thrilled to have a "kilt check" made on them, and are actually disappointed when they do not get such solicitations.

Well, in my opinion this all gives the kilt a bad name.  It's ethnic dress, it's not meant to be some cheap party gag or an item of fetish wear.

There was a thread recently on the X Marks the Scot kilt forum where someone related a story of unwanted advances made on him (in the presence of his wife, no less) simply because he was wearing a kilt. In the lengthy discussion that followed, I was quite shocked to read a post from a female member of the forum basically saying how much she enjoyed putting her hand up men's kilts!  (She went into far more detail than that, I'm afraid).

I felt compelled to reply and ask her how she would feel if a man did that to a woman wearing a skirt.  To my amazement, she replied that it happened all the time to her when she went out in short skirts, and she'd learned to accept it.  I was horrified, and told her I certainly hoped that my wife or my daughters never had that experience and that they would not simply "accept it" if they did.

But her contention was that if men went out wearing a kilt, they should simply expect that sort of attention.  Sorry, I don't buy it.  I don't have to put up with being groped, fondled, or asked about my underwear when I venture out in blue jeans, shorts, a three-piece suit, or even in swimwear at the beach.  Wearing a kilt doesn't change the fact that personal boundaries and certain standards of common decency should be respected.

So the next time you see a man in a kilt and are considering asking about his underwear, please consider the fact that he's likely heard it all a thousand times before, and won't find your comments any more amusing than the last 999.  Ask yourself whether you'd be so bold if he were wearing slacks.  Chances are the answer is no.  Well, he's the same man in kilt or in trousers, and he deserves your respect either way.

I know some people will read this and think me a stick-in-the-mud.  No matter.  Most kilt wearers I speak to agree with me in this matter, but are too polite to say anything to those who accost them.  On their behalf, let me say it again.  It's not cute.

Thanks for reading!

Those Embarassing Questions

It's bound to happen to anyone who wears a kilt. Eventually you will be asked THE QUESTION. "What do you wear under the kilt?"

Usually, those asking this question will be of the female variety -- in my experience the older women are usually more forthcoming with the curiosity (or less hindered by embarassment, I suppose). There are a few pat answers, such as "Nothing is worn, it's all in working order." Some border on the crude, such as, "Lipstick," or "Do you have cold hands? You are welcome to check." My favorite is simply "socks and shoes."

However, the more you wear your kilt, the more you get asked this question, the less "cute" it becomes. I wear the kilt nearly every day. To me, the kilt is not some "fun costume." It is my clothing. I don't go up to strange women and ask them what they are wearing under their skirts or pants. So why do people think it is appropriate to ask me this question?

But then I remind myself that these people are not used to seeing a man in a kilt, they think they are being cute and funny, and mean no offense. And I just suffer through it.



(Photo from the X Marks the Scot forum)

But that's not actually the topic I want to address in this post. Because there is another type of person who asks this question. It's the man who just bought his first kilt. I see it all the time. A gentleman decides he wants to enter the world of kilt wearing. He talks to me for over an hour about all the details. He's been measured, selected his tartan, picked out all the accessories. He's all paid up and ready to go, and then he leans in, lowers his voice, and somewhat sheepishly, asks the question. "So, what do you guys wear under the kilt...? Really?" He's not trying to be funny, he just wants to know what is proper. "I know that traditionally nothing is supposed to be worn," he says, "but really, what do most people wear?"

My answer to that is -- whatever you want to wear. I have a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy. It's none of your business what I'm wearing under my kilt, and I really don't care what you wear under your kilt. I don't care whether you wear underwear with your blue jeans, and your kilt is no different.

So, wear nothing if you like -- it is the most traditional. Or wear boxer shorts. Or jockeys. Or spandex. Really, if you maintain proper decorum and take care to sit "like a lady" in your kilt, no one should ever know what you are or are not wearing.

Also keep in mind the situation. I wear the kilt all the time to educational programs. If I am going kilted to a school, or to a church, then I always take care to wear proper under garments -- just in case of a slip -- to avoid scandal. At other times? Well, you'd need to ask my wife, and I don't think she's telling.

But I do have it on authority (from a 30-plus year member of the Royal Scottish Country Dance society) that Scottish Country Dancers are encouraged to wear black briefs under their kilts. Why? Well, when dancing, there is the danger of the kilt lifting up as you spin. You don't want to flash the audience. On the other hand, you also don't want to show off your "tighty-whiteys" and spoil the myth that keeps young women's eyes on the men in kilts. So black briefs are worn, to both hide the goods and to maintain the mystery. In the brief moment that the kilt may twirl up in the dance, the black briefs are hidden in the shadows and the eye is never quite sure what it did or did not see!

It's all in the mystery!